As we grow older we are only left with...

Pictures of the past: 
The following pictures are of my ( and my family's) past. I decided to this in honor of the New Year.

 

Top to bottom: Step dad and I, me with my classmates and then me again.

Up there ^ I'm at Humboldt Park

My step dad and I 

My father, my mother and I

My teacher, principal and teacher

My cousin and I ( We grew up together wonder what he is up to nowadays..)

My little sisters ( the twins Emily and Jennifer)

Again...

 That was quite a walk through memory lane,

I think I am ready for 2010!

I hope everyone has Happy Holidays and an amazing New Year!

You don't need to start over.

 An entry from last night. I finished it just now. 
          It's finally cold again. The time where I mostly spent my time inside huddled in a sweater or two.  Today I did everything that I had ever been procrastinating about in the last few months and I am quite proud of myself actually.Although the only reason I even did these things was because I really had no other choice but nevertheless they are done. I finished my scholarship writing, I found a literary magazine where I might want to publish something I have been working on. I also worked on an old writing piece. I finished reading a couple Oscar Wilde books I had put aside and finally I finished putting together three family albums. Time passed quick and time has passed quickly. I cannot believe that it is going to be 2010. I feel rather old though I most certainly am not and I know it but I can't help but feel old. Looking back at those photos and unfinished things made me think about all I had done to avoid doing them.All the time I have left and how it feels endless but we all know its not. I was frightened when I thought that  when I died I would have unfinished...things. Dreams...goals...Had i wasted time?Am I wasting time? Could I have done something valuable with my time? Could I be doing something different now had I not procrastinated? Probably. No use thinking in the past though. All I can really do is look forward. (My friend once told me that if humans had been made to look back we would have eyes in the back of our head.). What if I don't want to look forward because I am scared to see what happens. No not scared. No that's not the right feeling.I may or may not  know what is going to happen but either way I don't don't exactly understand why. Is it confusion?Confusion. Or is it merely not understanding that scares me and I feel confused as to why I don't understand, why am I scared of not understanding?  Did all people die with unfinished, not to sound cliche but unfinished business as they say? Or is it just the some. The ones that procrastinate.  Looking at the past I started to write in my journal the things I had learned. The things that didn't make sense to me. The things I wanted to know and the riddles I wanted forever to stay unsolved. I stared at my marks on the paper and realized that I am not scared of death  Iam scared of life. I am scared I won't be living the right way because...because...of my procrastination. Because of my fear, because of my lack to be bold and brave like other people. I am scared....no...I was scared that the things that held me back wouldn't let me  live  the way I am suppose to.  Yet there is no "right" way to live. There is only life. Everyone lives life differently so how can I live it the "right" way? There is no way you see? All those thoughts I had last night...they were thoughts of a young person who needed time to think of what life meant to her. I slept on it. I did and I thought about it  all morning. Life to me doesn't mean starting over,it means taking the pieces you already had and make them useful. To me life means caring about others just as much as I do about myself. What would life be if we didn't have each other?